“I’m sorry momma. I know you are trying. There’s no easy age… ” as I hear from friends who have older children. (Mine are 5 and 2.)
Part of this sounds like normal kids testing boundaries… boy do they LOVE to do that.
I have a combination of tactics.. and no two days are the same. I prepare them for what we are doing that day. I ask for the good behavior and have started rewarding for good choices as well as time out or taking things away.
For example… my 5 year old was totally not listening on Saturday and we were going to go to an egg hunt and cookout with our friends. I thought about saying we just won’t go if she continues but that punishes everyone. So I told her she would be going but she would NOT get to hunt eggs if she kept making bad choices / not doing as we ask. Then I reiterated the choice to her… 1) keep acting up, not listening, no egg hunt OR 2) start listening and you get to do the egg hunt. Even at 3 I was doing this but a little simpler. My 2 year old gets put in time out.
On the flip side I put into practice something I picked up from a business book .. get in the business of catching people doing the RIGHT things. It seems we are always looking for the bad or wrong behavior in people … and that includes our kids. I found myself doing that with my children… it was getting old. So I went to the dollar store and got a calendar and a bunch of star stickers and heart stickers. They get stars for certain things that we’ve asked them to do. And they get hearts when they have shown an act of kindness or generosity towards another person. Not doing what we ask or being mean just means no rewards. And they love those the rewards! After a couple weeks they choose a fun activity or a new toy.
Hitting is an immediate time out… as in I find a way to make a time out spot ANYWHERE. There is ALWAYS a seat and/or a corner. I think waiting til we get home is too late… the connection is kinda lost between the bad behavior and the consequence. I tell any caregivers what issues we are working on (hitting, pulling hair, pinching, not listening), what our discipline program is and to please help me with consistency.
With my 2 year old I have had to teach him not to hit…I tell him hugs not hitting and try to encourage kindness. This is in addition to time out. He also has to hug his sister to say sorry when he’s mean.
Both kids have responded favorably to both tactics and I generally get pretty good behavior but honestly … they are kids and they will do stupid stuff that makes us want to not admit they belong to us.
What we may find embarrassing in many cases is just kids figuring things out and most parents get it. In fact when I see a kid melting down I just say a silent little prayer for that mom… bc we have all been there.
Being a mom is HARD and requires a lot of letting go.
